Learn to kill your own spiders!

Lonely Woman Watching Sea Waves on Beach

Lonely Woman Watching Sea Waves on Beach (Photo credit: epSos.de)


Where do I begin?

That I was intrigued enough to click on a link recently for an article under the following headline: Men — Who Needs Them? doesn’t paint a complete picture as to why I was interested in such an article until you learn that it was published on a website of Focus on the Family.

Really? This is a question worthy of a ministry that espouses family values!

Could this selfish attitude and snarky question with all the premises inherent in the feminist movement be a reason why the divorce rate in the evangelical church in America mirrors that of the rest of the country or that people are waiting much longer to marry, and when they do the decision isn’t much different than which dog to adopt from the local pet shelter? Is this attitude as endemic in the church as it is elsewhere? But I’m getting ahead of myself.

For all the hue and cry over the glass ceiling phenomenon and the complaints that women just don’t get a fair shake in the business world, we read stuff like this that seems to suggest that the male of the species is only necessary for… well… that’s the question. Just what are we good for?

Take for instance what Connally Giliam writes as she records the comments of female friends (and herein is the premise of her article):

Still another wrote, “I do not need a man.” Her tenor wasn’t harsh, just direct. She continued, “I have built a life for myself that involves some close girlfriends and a large circle of acquaintances, and I have a job I love and think I’m pretty good at. It pretty much allows me a lifestyle that is comfortable and has quite a number of perks.” Another self-revealing friend responded, “I don’t need them to pay my rent, change my oil in my car, move furniture or mow the lawn (although all that would be nice). [But] I feel most like a woman when I’m with a man.”

So, men are nothing more than an accessory, like that matching purse and earrings to go with the dress she’ll wear once because it won’t fit the next time she finds occasion to wear it.

But she continues:

Citing the best-selling book The Rules, Barbara Dafoe Whitehead offers a picture of the new ideal single woman: “You are a very fulfilled person — stable, functional, and happy — with a career, friends, and hobbies … you are perfectly capable of living with or without him. You are not an empty vessel waiting for him to fill you up, support you, or give you life.” No, this is not a woman with evident needs.

So much for that little notion in the Bible where God, after declaring all of the phases of creation “good,” finds something quite the contrary.

In Genesis 2, God caps off His creation and his first command to Adam with this statement in verse 18 (emphasis added): “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper who is just right for him.”

A few verses later we read: “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

Those of us familiar with the story know that it all goes south for Adam and his new wife shortly thereafter. We’re suffering the consequences of it all to this day.

So ladies, learn how to kill your own spiders and stop complaining about your biological clocks and all that alone-time you have on Valentines Day and other holidays. Remember this: Adam was doing just fine until Eve came along!

As for the rest of you who don’t seem to hold to these selfish beliefs, know this: a true man will walk barefoot through molten shards of glass for you and your children if you will simply adopt the opposite philosophy of your more enlightened sisters who think like the woman who believes she has the good life, the good job and the ever-present circle of acquaintances.

I’ll leave you with this question: what happens after the the doctor diagnoses cancer at 9 a.m, the boss fires just before lunch because you were late for work, and that circle of acquaintances abandons you after hearing the gossip about you over the water cooler where you once worked?


5 thoughts on “Learn to kill your own spiders!

  1. OK … You know me well enough that I can’t keep quiet on this.

    I read the article on Focus on the Family referenced in your blog several days ago. You bring out some good points in your blog, but, unfortunately, I think you may have missed the intent (or at least what I saw as the intent) of the Focus article.

    Yes, things have changed over the last 2000+ years and women are no longer considered property in MOST areas!! But the one thing that men seem to have a hard time accepting is that since we work and since we are able to take care of ourselves, they feel like they are not necessary, they want to feel needed. Women are stepping up to do things because the men in their lives have stepped back (or in some cases, stepped totally out of the picture.) In other words … if a guy steps away from being the LEADER, then what choice does the woman have other than to step up.

    I strongly feel that the intent of the original article (as well as the intent of the Rules Book, which I have read, in it’s correct context) is to encourage women to look at themselves as complete, not at fault, not missing anything, not God’s mistake, because they don’t have a guy in their life. The article is trying to avoid women becoming “needy”; someone that doesn’t appear to think for herself, someone that wants, no make that needs, to be told over and over and over again that she is loved or loveable, she wants someone to validate her reason for being on this earth. A needy person (whether male or female) feels that they are nothing without someone in their life.

    Having said that … reality check .. how many guys HONESTLY want a NEEDY WOMAN. God says, in the scripture listed above, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper who is just right for him.” I personally don’t feel that a “needy woman” is JUST RIGHT for anyone, unless it’s a “needy guy” that needs to feel needed.

    • Intended or not, the author did a rather lousy job of making the point you suggest inasmuch as the premise behind her article remains: men are stupid; men are unnecessary; women can do it all!
      Granted, she quotes some women who seem to hold a more favorable opinion of men, but those anecdotal quotes are a minority in her article and don’t do anything to alter the premise I mention.
      Nobody is talking about women as property — I’m certainly not. I find it offensive that this kind of superiority is given credence in the same evangelical Christian circles that likewise promote marriage and family. It’s bad enough that the mainstream culture in America bashes men at every turn — look at television commercials and sitcoms — but do we need these ideas being offered by evangelical Christian media and ministries too?

  2. I use to be the woman with the “who needs a man” attitude and it was derived out of anger and resentment. When I hear a woman profess that they’re perfectly okay being alone, I personally know firsthand that it’s a defense mechanism! Nobody truly desires to live a life without companionship. However, For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he! (Proverbs 23:7 KJV) Women should be honest with themselves instead of this nonsense of “who needs a man.” I need a man because I don’t want to kill my own spiders!

    • Thanks for the comment. I enjoyed reading through your blog and look forward to more updates.
      I think you’re right when you reference words like “resentment” and “defense mechanism.” As for the later, I’ll let you in on a bit of a secret: we men develop defense mechanisms too. I particularly like the idea put forth in Proverbs 21, where we read several times that a man is better off living in the desert, or alone in an attic, or anywhere for that matter, than he is in the company of a wife who nags and belittles him.
      Keep up the honest writing.

  3. I did not read the article you are talking about, but I can speak of my own experience. There is a difference between needing and wanting. I can exist and serve God without a husband if that is His will for me. However, I long for the day when I have someone to help shoulder the burdens of life, someone who can change the oil in my car, who will protect me and fight for me, someone to share hopes and dreams with and private jokes and even someone who will kill the spiders for me. I can kill a spider if necessary, but you can bet if there is a man around I’m going to ask him to do it. I appreciate men for their strength and warrior hearts, but in order to live life as a contented single woman I can’t believe that my life doesn’t start until I am married.

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